January

January was born May 4th, about 100 years ago. He was accidentely dropped on his head as a child, and used as an astray on many occassions. There is even a rumor that he has autism, and likes to draw dicks in class. January soon discovered he had a passion for writing. He used to write poems about slitting Papa's throat, or drowning mommy. However, he soon went PG, kind of like when Weezer put out Maladroit about Pinkerton like wtf ma-Anyway, he soon started writing about flowers and gum drops, and George Bush's hair, but he wanted more. So, what did he do? He went out and got what he always wanted. A boyfriend. When he brought Benito home, his parents didn't approve, but they were in love! How could they refuse? Well, like this "Get the fuck out of this house, January", so they did. They ran away together, until January found Benito sleeping with another man, then his heart was broken. His parents, of course, took him back in, but it wouldn't be smooth sailing for January. January then started becoming very depressed, he even turned to drugs and sitcoms to cheer him up. Nothing worked, then he was on the internet one day, and the rest is history

January found The Warp Pipe Forums one day while in his Parent's basement doing things with his body. He stopped by in to say "Howdy Do" to everyone, and even act poetic; because that's what he does, or something. After getting kicked out of his parents house for doing sex with another man (Which meant against their christian beliefs, of course) he went to the nearest internet cafe to talk to the only people he could trust. The people of TWP. They gave him a lot of advice, mostly to kill himself, but he interpretated this as them saying for him to stay with them, and they want him there. (Mostly like how christians interpret the bible) Anyway, he then started having relations with every male there, being the fucking asshole faggot that god hates, or something. He also tried to act deep by writing poetry that not even his dumb faggot ass could understand. You know, because he's fucking autistic or something. Anyway, he is a valued member of the Warp Pipe community. He's a try hard who thinks he is funny, and witty. Even though he really just blows dunk vagina, and he also thinks that he is deep, and sensitive. Mostly because he says shit like "Oh, the wind sings a song of heaven's hymn or some other gay shit" Like, goddamn, that's like a satire of good poetry. Anyway, he is one of the only survivors of the ButtToface Assault during the 2nd era 231st year. He has gained much respect in his advances in the reach around technique and the ass to mouth technique. He was also the 1st member ever created, and the inspiration, for Harmonicanadians. Good day, good night, and have pleasant dreams.



This is what he is believed to look like.